I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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