So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize