i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
