I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
