The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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