Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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