i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
