I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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