I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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