So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize