I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
