you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
