Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
