This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
