Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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