Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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