My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
