Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he thought i was a dude.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
