2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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