Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
