Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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