I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
