did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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