I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
