Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
