I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
