Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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