Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
