I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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