Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
