he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
