this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
