ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
