I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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