so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
this is an emotional support booty call
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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