we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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