I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
