I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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