I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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