It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
