Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize