Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
