I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
