my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
