The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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