I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
