worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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