I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
