I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
