alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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