Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
