Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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