they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
