Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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