i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
