Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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