didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
