Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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