Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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