Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize