ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
