u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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