So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
