The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
