Will you blow on my dice?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
