I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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