Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
