I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize