What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
