how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize